We need to stop celebrating International Women's day.
I do not want to celebrate International Women’s Day.
I have been thinking about writing this for a while, but never got to it. Also, it is a bit personal, so I wasn’t sure if I needed to share my family’s story. But today, while reading International Women’s Day posts, I realized that the world needs to read about more heroines. Women in the world need to know of more women heroin who have contributed immensely, women who are blazing new trails every day, and women who are shaping the future.
I personally hate International Women’s Day. I also hate reading front page headlines when women soccer players get paid same as their male peers, when Revlon, a lipstick company in my words, appoints a woman CEO in its 86 years of history, when there is an all-female flight crew, when women founded companies touch 2% of VC funding or a women of color founder raises over a $1MM and on and on. I don’t want to celebrate those. Why? Because I want to live in a world where women achieving their goals and big dreams is a norm, not an exception.
Women’s achievements should not be the NEWS for the front page on major media.
I want to live in a world where there is no International-Women’s-Day! There are no women focused groups like Women-in-Tech, Women-in-Product, Women-CEOs, Women-Entrepreneurs and so on. There is only Appreciate-your-Role-Model Day, and groups like Geeks-in-Tech, Pros-in-Product, Fortune50 CEOs, and trailblazing-entrepreneurs.
My gender should be irrelevant to my skills, my dreams, and my ability to achieve those dreams.
That’s the world I’m working towards, and this post is all about showing women how many other women have been at work to achieve this goal (at least for the 80 years just within my own and many other families). Many things I share are going to be unfathomable for many who have grown up in the US, so let your imagination run wild. If you start thinking — nah, that is not possible, believe me — IT IS.
I want to introduce the women powerhouses of my immediate family, starting with my mom, to the world. This is not a listing of women in my family’s achievement. It’s a listing of women’s achievement.
Last year, I visited India and after almost a decade we were altogether under one roof. Other than the emotional tsunami, it also made me look at my family and just feel so proud- proud of where I know we started and how far we have come. And it was because of all the grit and tenacity every woman and man in my family had.
And all this in early days of India’s independence — a very conservative Indian society where women were a second-class citizen.
A society that almost punished and felt pity for women who did not have a son in their family.
A society and system built for male and put many hurdles in women’s path.
In spite of the surroundings, every person in this family achieved a master’s degree in their field after overcoming many many obstacles. We defied all odds, and it is not an overstatement to say that right here in this picture — we are one of the strongest families as a unit — even though we all have branched out to our own next level of families.
The strength starts with the anchor of our family, my mom, sitting on the chair in the front. She has been standing up for women and society for almost 80 years. And hopefully she feels like she can trust us to carry on her legacy and she can sit down. She can relax and be proud of her contribution. She leaned in, before it was even a word.
She was not allowed to go to college after high school, so she fought. It took her 7 years to finish a 4-year degree. After she got married, while being pregnant with me and having my 3-year-old sister, she finished her master’s. They lived in a tiny one room house and recently she told me she had to go hungry for days while pregnant because they didn’t have money for food.
Starting from there — later, she successfully started and ran an elementary and middle school in our home. She advocated for education in an otherwise very illiterate society back in 1980’s in India. Some of her students went on to medical schools, and all because she pushed parents to send their children to elementary school. She has been an avid supporter of women and at-risk kids. She even taught adult women basic math and reading. She is super active in society. She saved a little bit of money every day as she raised four daughters. She has run organizations, volunteering infinite hours and even ran for local office 2 times. I remember last time, she was 63 years old, and decided to run for the local office. We all pushed back on her due to age etc.
And she said, “If you cannot stand with me, get out of my way”.
That was powerful. We should have known that if a world in the 1950’s couldn’t stop her, how can a world in the 21st century stop her.
Next to her is my dad — always have been next to her and always will be. He is a lawyer by trade and even today at age of 82, he is practicing.
He is an avatar of male ally.
I’m sure that even today he doesn’t even know that word. When I was growing up, he cleaned the house, he did laundry by hand-a much bigger chore than turning on a washer, and all the grocery shopping etc. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that he ran our house while doing his law practice. Lawyers don’t make much money in India, so he had to work long hours. And he helped my mom launch and run her school for 25+ years! My early memories of him are him running around and just doing “stuff”. He never sat and took a breath. “His role is instrumental in all his kids’ upbringing” — is a huge understatement.
Right behind him in the picture is my oldest sister — master’s in language and taught at a college as a professor. After she got married, and had her first child, she quit her job and immersed herself in raising them.
It takes courage to choose a path that may not be glamorous or in line with your skills and still excel at that.
Today both of her kids are engineers and doing their part in the workforce. I remember when she was in college, living in the house, my dad made a special sweet dish for her late at night while she studied — every night! He was determined to get all his kids the highest level of education. Back then we did not have alarm clock, so he woke every day/ night as needed, to wake us up to study.
Many of you know my story already, but now you know the roots and fertilizer of that story. I have infinite memories with my parents. I like to think I am their favorite child 😊. We never went on vacation but every once in a while, my dad rented a VCR for 100 INR for a night to watch movies and he let us pick the movies whatever we wanted to watch. In 5th grade, my mom bought me a tin pencil box with 12 color pencils and a pencil sharpener, and I was over the moon.
My dad’s biggest influence on me — In 12th grade, after finishing my Physics’ final, I came out of the test center -wailing and crying at the top of my lungs. The paper was very hard, and I did not do well. I thought my dreams of going to engineering college and getting a scholarship were dead and my life was over. I cried on his shoulder for hours after that.
Two days later I had a Chemistry exam, and I was terrified. For those two full days, he sat next to me while I studied — day in and day out. He consoled me, motivated me, and taught me how to get up after a failure, dust yourself off and get back in the saddle. I can write a thousand-page book on every single memory I have with him, and I will someday. Today, suffice to say, he has been my pillar for my entire life.
As my mom was the ground for me as a little seedling, my dad was the support stakes. Whatever I achieved in my life is because of them. I captured some of my accomplishments recently in this blog. Even recently, as I started building my own company and went through that roller coaster, I talked to my dad for hours on the phone. One day he told me that I don’t have to run for perfectionism and exceptional performance. I responded that you instilled that in us. How can I change now?
He said, “I was wrong.”
My jaw dropped. For a 78-year-old dad to say to his child that he was wrong, is just beyond words.
Next to me in the photo is my younger sister,
a symbol of unparalleled tenacity to overcome obstacles and still thrive.
Growing up she was not strong in her studies. We were in the same school, and I felt embarrassed by her. I did not like when her teachers called me to her class to convey the message to my parents that she had not done her homework. I was always angry at her. Looking back, I know I was a monster. In spite of all that, she finished her college degree, but she didn’t stop there. At age 39, with two kids and a very conservative husband, recently she completed her law degree! My dad stood 10 feet tall when he took her to his court and introduced her as a lawyer. She is now continuing my dad’s practice and they both work together. She is the son my parents didn’t have. She lives very close to them and takes care of them daily.
Finally, my youngest sister — princess of our family. After finishing her engineering degree, followed by a master’s in science, she moved to the US. She has been building new technology software solutions with Fortune100 companies. She is the go-to person for my whole family for doing market research before buying anything, including me for booking any flight, buying TurboTax, or just finding the best deals. She graciously gives her time — greatest currency of today’s world. She sends gifts to our family back in India. Recently I came to know that she has given a credit card to our parents for gas and automobile expenses. For my parents, it’s hard to take any help from their kids but somehow, she makes it happen in creative ways. She got items delivered that we take for granted in life — a fully automatic washer, a heater, an AC and even multivitamins.
I feel so accomplished with my family. I’m proud of each and every one of them beyond what my words can ever express. I know both my parents feel that they are the luckiest people on earth with their beautiful children. None of us could have achieved what we did if my mom wasn’t who she is and if my dad wasn’t who he is.
So, what I want to celebrate is the Role Model Day, Awesome Leaders Day, Trailblazers Day, Continuous Learners Day, Unconditional Supporters Day and Proud Family Members Day!
To a world where women achievements are not breaking news!
Reetu.
(Want to join hands? connect with me on any social media channel)